Archive for June, 2010

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A Strange Interlude

June 29, 2010

We didn’t have a lot of time to hang out in Memphis during our whirlwind tour of nine states in nine days. We had a quick lunch, and then looked for a nearby park to let the kids blow off some steam before pressing on another 3 1/2 hours to Nashville.

I found a place called Memorial Park, which turned out to be a cemetery. Weirdly, it also turned out to have the Crystal Shrine Grotto.

Mexican artist Dionicio Rodriguez built the grotto in the 1930′s. It’s a man-made cave of concrete and embedded quartz crystals featuring scenes from the life of Christ. Scenes like this:

The artist seemed to be heavily influenced by Gaudí.

The giant tree trunk is called “Abraham’s Oak”, after the father of the three Abrahamic religions. It also is made of concrete. It’s Disney before there was Disneyland.

There was a nice little pond.

Even a nearby bench got in on the action:

I stepped back across the street to get a shot of the whole grotto area, and found this memorial. Can you dig it?

And here’s the view of the grotto from across the street:

There’s my girl delighting in one bridge…

And my boy contemplating another.

They romped and ran and expended energy. It wasn’t what I expected when I declared that we needed to find a park, but it worked out well. And if you were in a mood to be contemplative, which I was, it fit the bill.

P.S. I found my camera cord. More vacation photos to come.

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The Dichotomy in my Living Room

June 25, 2010

My little daughter dumped all the money out of her purse onto the living room carpet this morning. It was mostly coins and one-dollar bills. She counted slowly and carefully. Her brother poked his hand in periodically, trying to sneak away a coin or two when she wasn’t looking. When she did look at him, he tried to invent a multi-dollar fine she could pay him for some imagined slight.

She finished and looked up at me. “I have $18.”

Then she smiled. “Today is Friday, so that means allowance day.”

“That’s true,” I said.

“I don’t really need all this money,” she said. “Dad didn’t know what our allowance was this one time, and he gave us a dollar, and I thought that was fine. You should give us a dollar for allowance instead of five dollars.”

As I mulled this over, her brother frantically shook his head.

And the amazing thing is, the girl knows the difference between one and five dollars, and she’s not kidding. She’d be happy to take less. Ever since she could talk, she’s been blowing my mind on a regular basis with little gestures that show her unselfish nature.

I cannot figure out where it comes from. How did this child spring from my loins?

Meanwhile, my boy walks around giving stock tips. Remember how he told everyone at the Iowa wedding on June 12th not to buy BP yet? It opened at $34.05 that day. Today it closed at $27.02.

Now he contends that Procter & Gamble is doomed to fail. I have no idea where he’s getting that from, but I’m mildly nervous. I like my Bounce and Bounty, my Dawn and Duracell, my Cascade and CoverGirl. I need Tide and Gillette and Crest and Secret.

O, belovéd consumer staples provider, I’d be lost without you. Why must my little child sound the herald of your demise?

But seriously, where is he getting that from?

I may be living with Warren Buffett. And his unselfish sister.

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A Little Place Called Vertigo

June 24, 2010

The Big M and I had a lovely anniversary trip to Seattle. He may be the gambler on a hot streak lately, but most of the time I feel like the lucky one.

Feel free to roll your eyes.

Sunday, what was supposed to have been U2 day, we drove down to Mount St. Helens. This May marked the 30th anniversary of the explosion. I was in kindergarten when it happened, and I remember knowing that it was a big deal. They rolled a TV on a cart from the A/V room and set it up in the hallway outside my classroom so we could watch news coverage on the eruption. I remember it looked like a lunar landscape, although I probably wouldn’t have thought of it that way at the time. Everything was gray and dead-looking.

Later my Aunt Carolyn, the world traveler, would bring me a little vial marked “Mount St. Helens” filled with gray volcanic ash, and I kept it in my room for years.

Today you can see the ash along either side of Coldwater Creek. We got this shot from the deck of one of the visitor centers:

Coldwater Creek dumps into Coldwater Lake, a new lake created after the eruption:

I took their word that the lake was comprised of cold water. It was June 20th, and 49 degrees out. And raining. I wasn’t about to touch that water.

Sometimes as we walked we could see the debris of trees that were swept downhill in the explosion. On the hillside you can still see hundreds of standing stumps.

Here are my attempts at arty shots of the lake:

Any of you who are good at PhotoShop, please feel free to do whatever it is one does to make shots like these look awesome. ‘Cause I don’t know how to do it.

As we drove toward the final visitor center, the one that gets you five miles from Mount St. Helens, we seemed to ascend into the cloud canopy.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot, it was looking a bit ominous:

Not ominous in the “we’re about to be struck by lightning” sense, but more in the “are we going to get to see this mountain, or what?” sense.

We approached the Visitor Center:

We went inside and listened to Ranger Nik (seriously) tell us about the crater and how the mountain is regenerating itself. It could look whole again in 200 years. Maybe less.

By the way, it’s actually a volcano. We were going to see a volcano!

Then we went into the massive movie theater (massive for a visitors’ center, anyway) and watched a movie on the 1980 eruption and the activity since then. At the end, the giant screen rose to reveal the wall of windows beyond and the much-anticipated view of Mount St. Helens. Which was this:

Everybody laughed.

We went out and took pictures of the whiteness. I decided to believe the volcano was out there. It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through, building all this stuff, just to prank some visitors. So yeah, it’s there.

But I still have never seen an actual volcano.

When we got home and our boy asked what the volcano looked like, his father told him to close his eyes. Then The Big M walked him over until his little nose was about six inches from a white wall and told him to open his eyes.

“That’s what it looked like.”

We still had a good time at the national park. On our way back down, we went into a visitor center put together by Weyerhauser, the lumber company that reclaimed most of the fallen trees and planted thousands of new ones. One of the exhibits was a room where you could touch various wood, rock, and animal specimens from around Mount St. Helens.

That’s when I spotted the animal pelt file:

It is a literal file of animal pelts. I found this extremely funny. I like that it’s even alphabetized. I don’t think I’ll ever see something like it again.

It was a good trip.

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Translating

June 22, 2010

Today was the first day of our home summer-school. It’s an annual fantasy for me that I’ll supplement my children’s educations during the summer so that they’ll be fluent in history, conversant in ancient and modern languages, whizzes at math, and just all-around baby geniuses. Annually the fantasy peters out because:

a) I am none of these things myself and

b) it’s summer and I just want to goof off with them.

This year I decided we’d work on handwriting and basic math skills, which in the boy’s case means memorizing the multiplication tables. We’re only one day in, but this feels like a realistic goal. We just work a few minutes and then goof off, which is my m. o. for life in general.

Afterward I started reading Journey to the Center of the Earth to them. I consider reading novels to the kids to be entertainment rather than homeschooling. It’s a habit I picked up around the time my youngest was two, when I thought I might die if I had to read The Lorax for the thirty-second night in a row. I had reached the point where I was trying out a variety of foreign accents on the various characters in the book just to keep from falling asleep.

Me (doing bad, nasal Australian): Moi name is the Lorax, oi speak for tha trees…

Boy: Mooooooooooom! Stop doing that!

Shortly thereafter I picked up Little House in the Big Woods, and a new habit was born. We tore through all of Laura Ingalls Wilder, C. S. Lewis, most of J. K. Rowling (until she got too scary), a little of Robert Louis Stevenson, and so many others that I’ve forgotten what all we’ve read. They even loved Geraldine McCaughrean’s excellent translations of The Iliad and The Odyssey. (Truthfully, *loved* is a bit strong for the girl; war and mythology isn’t her bag. But the boy loved it.) The only failure was Dickens, who turned out to be too complicated for me to translate on the fly, which is what I call explaining the meanings of complex words and concepts without disrupting the story flow too much.

I was inspired to re-encounter Jules Verne after watching the execrable movie, Journey to the Center of the Earth, starring Brendan Fraser. I remembered the book, which I read as a kid, as being much better.

I also recalled it as an easy read. I thought it would be fun to read aloud.

And it sort of is. But 19th-century British English that is peppered with scientific jargon is not particularly easy to follow if you happen to be American and eight years old — or worse, six — and I’m finding myself translating more than I had anticipated.

Here’s a relatively simple passage:

Fancy to yourself a tall, spare man, with an iron constitution, and a juvenile fairness of complexion, which took off a full ten years of his fifty. His large eyes rolled about incessantly behind his great goggles; his long thin nose resembled a knife-blade; malicious people declared it was magnetised, and attracted steel filings — a pure calumny; it attracted nothing but snuff, but to speak truth, a superabundance of that. When I have added that my uncle made mathematical strides of three feet at every step, and marched along with his fists firmly clenched — a sign of an impetuous temperament — you will know enough of him not to be overanxious for his company.

My translation on the fly (which was interspersed with the actual text):

Imagine a tall, thin man who’s tough and who has light skin that makes him look 40 when he’s actually 50. He wears glasses and looks around a lot, and has a thin nose that reminds people of a knife. Mean people say it’s like a magnet that attracts iron filings but that’s not true. But he does inhale a lot of snuff, which was a form of tobacco that people used to snort. (Wondering to self, should I not have said that? This is one trouble with translating on the fly — sometimes I’m midway through something before realizing it may not be age-appropriate.) The man would walk exactly three feet with every step, and he made fists all the time like he might get into a fight. So the narrator, the guy who is talking, is a little bit scared to talk to this man, his uncle, who has just called him into his office.

As you can imagine, it’s pretty slow going to read this stuff. I usually read as much of the text as I can and try to limit translation to the bare minimum to keep the story moving. My goal is for them to make it to high school undaunted by any “classic” book thrown at them because they’ve encountered something like it before. What could be scary about reading The Iliad, for example, when you’ve known it since you were five?

Here’s a tougher passage:

The name of Lidenbrock [the uncle] was consequently mentioned with honour in gymnasiums and national associations. Humphry Davy, Humboldt, and Captains Franklin and Sabine, paid him a visit when they passed through Hamburg. Becqueul, Ebolmann, Brewster, Dumas, Milne-Edwards, Sainte Clarice Deville, took pleasure in consulting him on the most stirring questions of chemistry, a science which was indebted to him for discoveries of considerable importance; and in 1853 a treatise on Transcendent Crystallography by Professor Otto Lidenbrock, was published at Leipsic, a large folio, with plates, which did not pay its cost, however. Moreover, my uncle was curator of the Museum of Mineralogy, belonging to M. Struve, the Russian ambassador, a valuable collection, of European celebrity.

Translation:

A bunch of scientists really respected the uncle, and he even published a book, but it didn’t sell very well. But he’s in charge of a rock museum, so that’s cool.

My boy loves rocks.

We made it through 12 pages, which was a pretty good start. I’m having fun with it so far, even though we’re still a ways away from the actual journey.

Later that afternoon the kids were amusing themselves outside when their father called.

The Big M: What are the kids up to?

Me: They’re outside playing with the hose.

The Big M: *awkward silence*

Me: *silence, followed by dawning realization that he may have transposed the letters “s” and “e” in “hose”*

Me: The water hose.

The Big M: *relieved* That’s good, ’cause I was kind of shocked that you would call the girls that.

(“The girls” are the sweet little six- and eight-year-old girls next door that are our children’s friends and frequent playmates.)

Me: I would never say that.

And I wouldn’t. But it was another reminder this afternoon that language is a tricky thing. Sometimes it introduces complications we weren’t expecting.

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Babylonian Math

June 17, 2010

Until I can locate my camera’s power cord, there will be no vacation photos. Try to restrain your disappointment. ;)

While the kids were at Vacation Bible School yesterday (a concept I find simultaneously delightful and mystifying given my secular upbringing — but that’s a whole other post) I spent an hour avoiding cleaning the house and instead watching the first two lectures in a series devoted to the history of mathematics.

I’ve really come around to liking math lately. It’s a foreign language I never bothered to learn well when I was in school. I’m slowly fixing that.

I especially like learning about ancient math and science. It’s riveting to discover that people 4,000 years ago were far more advanced and modern in thinking than I’d realized. The ancient Babylonians predicted eclipses and planetary alignments centuries into the future, they calculated the square root of 2 to six decimal places, they figured out a geometrical solution to quadratic equations, and they used the Pythagorean theorem 1,500 years before Pythagoras was born.

I wish I had learned in school that algebra is shorthand for something that can be solved using geometry — visually. And had been shown those visuals. I think it would have been a lot easier to grasp.

Take the Pythagorean theorem. The algebraic equation is

a^2 + b^2 = c^2\!\,

where a and b represent two sides of a right triangle and c is the hypotenuse. When we visualize it, this is probably what we see:

It doesn’t really tell us much.

But what if we think about it like this: a square with sides of length A will have an area that, when added to the area of a square with the sides of length B, will equal the area of a square with the sides of length C.

We’ll use the classic 3/4/5 triangle:

This makes more sense to me. And it’s how the Babylonians derived the theorem themselves. When the numbers of the three sides are all whole numbers we call them Pythagorean triples. The Babylonians calculated this triple: 4601 (squared) + 4800 (squared) = 6649 (squared). Crazy.

How about quadratic equations? Let’s say we’re staring at this quadratic equation in 10th-grade algebra and trying to figure out how to solve it:

x² + 2x = 15

Before this concept could be represented algebraically, the Babylonians figured it out geometrically. Let’s say you wanted to construct a rectangular building and you knew you only had 15 square units of ground space to work with. You know that you’d like to divide it into two rooms, and one of those rooms needs to have a wall that is 2 units long. The other room needs to be a square. How long will the walls of the square room be? You can draw it like this:

Can you see it?  x² + 2x = 15

Now you can split the rectangle with a known side of 2 units into equal pieces:

Next you move these two pieces around like this:

Now comes the part known as “completing the square”. You create a little square to fill in the missing space in the bigger square. We can tell from the drawing that the new square will be 1 unit by 1 unit.

You’re going to need to add an equal square to the other side to keep the equation equal:

The little square has an area of 1 unit. We can think of the big square this way: its area is the same as 15 plus 1. We can write it out showing that one side multiplied by the other side equals 15 plus 1:

(x + 1)(x + 1) = 15 + 1

We’ll write it out a new way:

(x + 1)² = 16

And now we need to take the square root of each side, something the Babylonians were good at doing.

(Square root, by the way, is the length of a side of the square that can be divided into equal squares of a given number. So 16 little equal squares can be combined to form a larger square with sides the length of 4. The square root of 16 is therefore 4. This becomes more complicated to do geometrically when you’re not using whole numbers, like say, finding the square root of 15. But it works for square roots that are whole numbers.)

Anyway, taking the square root of each side gives us:

x + 1 = 4

Now it’s simple to solve for the unknown. Simply subtract 1 from each side and:

x = 3

Now we know our square room is 3 by 3 units, and the total rectangle building is 3 by 5 units.

Algebraically speaking, x also could equal -5, but I don’t know if the Babylonians could calculate that. While I’m aware that there must be some use for -5 as an answer to this equation, it isn’t practical for the question I posed above about building dimensions, so it doesn’t much bother me whether the Babylonians could calculate it or not.

When I learned how to solve equations like this in high school, we did what is called “factoring”, meaning that you have to figure out what numbers can be multiplied together to get 15, and then insert them, one at a time, into the equation. One would be positive and the other negative, and so you would reason out 3 and -5 after trying them in the equation. It seemed so arbitrary to me at the time, and I had completely forgotten how to do it at all until I looked it up on the internet.

But I think I can remember how to complete the square. Pretty neat, huh?

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Our Family Vacation, Part 2

June 15, 2010

We made it safely back after putting 3,245 miles on the Family Truckster in a mere 9 days, which averages out to a daily drive from Austin, Texas to Norman, Oklahoma.

I can’t believe I’m able to write this truthfully, but the kids were awesome. They were *way* better behaved than I was on family vacations growing up. In fact, I think they were probably better behaved than I was on this family vacation. Mama suffered a coffee shortage.

In all those miles they only watched 3 or 4 movies. The rest of the time they played together, sang together, looked out the window, and just generally got along. It was crazy. Not once did The Big M and I joke about putting a bubble dome over the kids’ section of the car, a la The Homer. And we used to joke about that a lot.

The Homer

More memorable moments:

  • Getting a personalized walking tour of the University of Illinois from my father-in-law, an alumnus who hadn’t been back to campus in 37 years
  • Ending our driving tour of the campus when my father-in-law decided to take off down a sidewalk (which, to be fair, was unpopulated, wide enough for a vehicle, and possibly a street 37 years ago) (and also, to be fair, was hilarious)
  • Hanging out with the siblings- and parents-in-law and nieces and nephew who separately drove up from Texas
  • Reuniting with The Big M’s Iowa relatives
  • Reacquainting ourselves with the major food groups of Iowa: roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, and pizza
  • Having taco pizza (taco meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and crushed Doritos), Reuben pizza (sauerkraut and Canadian bacon), and breakfast pizza (eggs, bacon, and cheese)
  • Eating chocolate pie at Bishop’s cafeteria
  • Taking my little daughter for her very first mani/pedi, where she chose the delightful color combination of alternating pastel green and blue for her nails
  • Discovering that her nails actually match most of her clothes now
  • Finding out at the rehearsal dinner that a modular home company I’ve been interested in learning more about is not only building a home for a cousin, but has a factory located in the very town where we were eating
  • And they give factory tours
  • Which the bride used to give
  • And which I missed by a few hours, hours during which I slept late, got a mani/pedi with my daughter, and ate chocolate pie
  • Feeling like an idiot for missing said factory tour because I have toyed with the idea of taking a vacation to a town near one of the factories just to take a tour
  • Spending part of the wedding day touring the model homes outside of the closed factory
  • Spending another part taking the kids to the Field of Dreams in Dyersville
  • And then to Happy Joes for more taco pizza
  • Dancing that night at the wedding with my husband to the first slow song
  • Trying to keep from laughing as we danced because the song was Conway Twitty’s “I Can Tell You’ve Never Been This Far Before
  • Meeting a couple of awesome great aunts of my husband’s at the wedding
  • Watching my 8-year-old son give stock tips outside the reception hall (“I’d wait on BP,” he says.)
  • Driving back to the hotel with the stereo turned up and all of us singing our vacation anthem, “Hey Soul Sister” by Train, at the top of our lungs while thousands of fireflies sparkled above the cornfields
  • Enjoying Sunday breakfast (and breakfast pizza) at Aunt Bonnie’s house with all the relatives
  • Feeling astonished that the little daughter who never wants to be apart from Mama begged to stay behind with Aunt Bonnie and all of her newly discovered cousins
  • Driving through the Kansas prairie as night fell, admiring the incredible scenery of lightning dancing over endless plains
  • Driving through flooding in Wichita, Kansas and barely making it through the blinding rain and darkness to our hotel
  • Which was on The Waterfront
  • Asking for an upper floor at the hotel in case flooding got out of hand in the middle of the night
  • Discovering the next morning that The Waterfront was a half-acre man-made pond
  • Driving through Oklahoma City on the day of record rainfall — 10 inches — flooding the city
  • Feeling grateful that we weren’t flooded ourselves, and only had to be diverted off of I-35 once
  • Singing “Hey Soul Sister” at the top of our lungs as we crossed the border into Texas
  • Pulling into our driveway five hours later, grateful to be home

We had a great trip and built a lot of memories. Pictures still to come.

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Our Family Vacation

June 9, 2010

We’ve made it nearly 1,500 miles through five states in five days, and so far the family vacation has been a blast, ticks notwithstanding. I was worried about pulling off this itinerary with two relatively little kids, but they have been awesome. I mean really, truly, exceptional. I’m bragging on them while I can because the trip home — 18 hours of driving in two days — will be brutal.

Interesting moments of the last few days include:

  • Getting a Turkish-style bath in Hot Springs, Arkansas
  • Eating at an awesome dive bar/burger joint in Hot Springs where the regulars greeted us as welcome guests
  • Watching my 8-year-old son battle wits with a docent at The Hermitage in Tennessee (Guide: How do you think they made this color of paint for the walls? Son: They used materials from the plantation grounds. Guide, amazed: That’s correct.)
  • Seeing Trisha Yearwood perform at The Grand Ole Opry in Nashville
  • Missing the last third of Trisha’s set because my daughter had a nosebleed
  • Watching Corvettes roll off the assembly line in Bowling Green, Kentucky
  • Hiking through a section of Mammoth Cave, and checking off a second national park for the trip
  • Holding my daughter during the extended lights-out portion of the cave tour, a time that was really, freakily, utterly black
  • Realizing after the black-out portion of the tour that a middle-aged woman had had a particularly smelly accident in her pants
  • Feeling gratitude that I was not said middle-aged woman
  • Resisting the urge to mention this commercial after said accident
  • Trying White Castle sliders for the first time after our cave tour
  • Throwing away White Castle sliders after two bites
  • Wondering if lady on cave tour had eaten White Castle sliders prior to tour
  • Checking into a very ritzy, posh, chic hotel in, of all places, Evansville, Indiana
  • Paying about a third of what one would expect to pay at an equivalent hotel in a major city
  • Realizing that said hotel was probably so ritzy because it is attached to a casino
  • Lounging in plushy white bathrobe after showering in fancy four-head shower and watching my precious children sleep in the bed next to mine while their daddy checks out the casino
  • Having no urge to gamble because I suck at it. Example: I would have bet money that the Canadian sorority girl whining about needing to pee before our two-hour cave tour with no bathroom stops would have had an accident before anyone else. And I would have been wrong.
  • And finally, an interesting moment that occurred while I was writing this post: watching my husband recount how he lost $200 at the craps table in his hour at the casino only to follow up by nailing quad deuces at video poker and cashing out a $2,000 jackpot. Woo-hoo! Free trip!

Even before that last point we were having an awesome trip. I’m looking forward to posting pictures once we get home.

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I’m a Real Tick Magnet

June 7, 2010

This was the view from the back porch of our cabin near Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Those woods are lovely, aren’t they? They totally sucked me in.

Daddy suggested that the kids watch a movie in the cabin during our afternoon rest time. Oh no, I insisted. We need to walk on the trail through these lovely woods first.

We’re tired, and it’s 95 degrees out, Dad persisted, with maddening rationality. I glared at him. I do *not* want my children sitting inside watching a movie when we could be walking through the woods.

I’m not always responsive to rationality.

So we hiked. And it was really freaking hot. By the time we found ourselves beside the little stock pond watching a crew of day-old baby ducks hanging out in the shade, I had come around to his point of view. But the ducks proved to be a bigger draw than a movie in air-conditioning, and it took a good while to get the kids back to the cabin. Meanwhile, my handsome husband sat calmly in the grass, herding our children away from the steep pond edge, ignoring the Arkansas sun pounding on us, and smiling at me without malice.

And this is one of the big reasons I love him: he’s not the “I told you so” type.

It was just as well, because I got mine later. And am still getting it.

Ticks. Horrible little blood-sucking arachnids. The buggers have been crawling on me for two days. I found my first two while cooling off in the cabin. I crushed them and immediately took a hot shower and put on fresh clothes. That night I woke up to the feel of one crawling on my neck. I crushed it, and took a long, hot bath the next morning and put on clean clothes.

And just now I found another dang tick on my ankle. So I’m going to go take another shower. And put on an outfit from my dwindling supply of clean clothes.

Rest assured that the kids and husband are tick-free. This is all on me.

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