Out of the Mouths of Babes

The Boy gave me a calculating look and tilted his head ever so slightly. “Mom, Weight Watchers is offering a month free if you join now.”

Ordinarily he’ll parrot any number of things he has seen on TV, often with a barely contained excitement that verges on exuberance. “Mom! Did you know that you can refinance right now with GiantBankingConglomerate.com and save hundreds of dollars on your mortgage payment?!”

Never mind that he doesn’t know what “refinance” or “mortgage payment” mean, he’s still bubbling over like a Diet Coke poured too fast as he channels the announcer’s excitement and brings me this breaking news.

Usually I don’t feel much of a need to follow up on these announcements beyond turning off the TV and sending him outside to play. In this case, however, I found his calm, matter-of-fact demeanor troubling. He held my gaze, and I realized that though he is not yet eight, The Boy has already grasped doublespeak.

I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed my lips. “Thanks,” I said neutrally. As I pondered how best to follow up this statement, The Big M, who had been nearby, intervened.

“Son,” he said, “there are a few things you must never say to a woman. Any woman. Including your mother.” He led our errant offspring off to another room for a little man-to-man chat.

And now, damn it, I’m thinking about joining Weight Watchers.

Categories: The Kids


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