I have not been particularly prolific with the blogging because I am working on a top-secret Christmas gift that takes most of my computer’s resources. I’ll tell you about it after the 25th.
This has not stopped The Big M from being busy using his own computer’s resources, however, and tonight he discovered something alarming.
I’ll back up for a second. You may have noticed that this blog is more or less anonymous. I write that way because I like for Google searches to pop up information about me only from my professional career. I’ve been extremely glad that the Internet in its present form did not exist when I was in high school. God only knows what I would have put on there if it had. I said stupid enough things on the Prodigy forums that did exist at the time.
So what did The Big M discover? Apparently Google now has a way to search news archives. And my hometown newspaper has scanned articles from before the time of the Internet. From my high school days, to be precise.
I played basketball in high school. More accurately, I watched high school basketball from the comfort of a bench conveniently close to the sideline while wearing an itchy polyester uniform. I even lettered my junior year … because there were exactly five girls in my school who were decent at the sport and a sixth (me) who was willing to sub when needed (not frequently). So was this news article about my athletic glory?
Not exactly.
Perhaps it was about my glory as prom queen?
Wrong! I spent prom night in San Antonio partying with my friends.
My glory as valedictorian?
Nope. Just missed the top ten percent cut, actually. My class was full of crazy-smart academic types.
Tired of guessing yet?
It was about my glory days as a sp*mumble mumble*.
(speak up!)
I said, my glory days as a SPE*MUMBLE MUMBLE*!
(what?)
As a *cough* spelling *fake sneeze* champ!
(*facepalm*)
In honor of Google news, I present a new drawing:
Happy Thursday, everyone.
Categories: Brain Workouts
Flabby Brain 
There should be no shame, Flabby Brain! I am still reeling over the “fact” that I was robbed of my rightful place in the school-wide spelling be in the 3rd grade. I am STILL convinced that my teacher purposely rigged the class spelling bee against me. My only proof is that when I moved to a different school in the 4th grade, I could spell better than the BEST speller they had. I still revel in that glory (as it was the only time anyone wanted me on their team as a first round draft pick). Of course, maybe that just makes me like those people that peak in high school and never give it up. Because, well, the best speller at Northern Hills Elementary who lost the Friday spelling bee to me for his unfortunate misspelling of “doughnut” is now a very successful doctor…and I’m very successful at not getting out of bed until noon on most days.
Ah, 3rd-grade spelling bees … I was knocked out on my first word, “allegiance”, conveniently the only word I didn’t know in the whole bee. The kid who beat me later missed the word “beauty” at City levels. Really, Eric? Really?! I just Googled him, and he’s a university professor now. I doubt he’s thought of that spelling bee once since 1983. And good for him. As for me, oh, the wounds of childhood!
But don’t worry, Cardelia. We are still alive and still haven’t hit our peaks. There is time yet! By the way, the only reason I’m out of bed before noon is because two little people are bugging me to get up at 6:30 every morning. Get yourself a 60-pound alarm clock that flips on the light, shakes you, and demands breakfast, and I guarantee you’ll be up before sunrise.